


Stranger than kindness

by Velvet_Velour



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Angst, Breathplay, Canon Disabled Character, Established Relationship, M/M, Not Beta Read, and a whole lot of self–loathing, because you can't write about these boys without angst, spoilers for Mission 31
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 10:10:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11530053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velvet_Velour/pseuds/Velvet_Velour
Summary: Kaz aimed, Venom pulled the trigger. Holding Snake's hand made him believe he was whole again, even if only for one fleeting moment. // Very self–indulgent short ficre: Kaz after Mission 31because I'm replaying the game and have too many feelings about these idiots.





	Stranger than kindness

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Title is from a song originally by Nick Cave but the version I particularly like is by Fever Ray. Give it a try, the song’s creepy in the best way possible.

His head is pounding.

The helicopter is unusually crowded, and in the confined space Kaz finds himself wishing they’d get to the mother base faster.

Quiet is sitting by his side; there are scarlet stains on her boots, making him idly wonder whose blood it is. Eli’s eyes are fixed on the floor, lips twisted into a scowl as he pointedly ignores everyone. Huey's saying something, gesturing wildly. He seems suspiciously excited though the Commander pays no attention to his blabbing.

His eyes move to Venom who silently wipes dirt from his face and hands. It’s difficult to say what the man’s thinking, yet Miller wonders if he replays his last mission in his head. Their victory. Because it is a victory, isn’t it?

Skull Face is dead. Kaz aimed, Venom pulled the trigger. Holding Snake's hand made him believe he was whole again, even if only for one fleeting moment.

They arrive on the mother base ten minutes later, just when Kaz considers loosening his tie because the air gets too hot all of a sudden. He welcomes the cool breeze on his face. They’re back; they’re home, whatever _home_ means these days. Venom jumps out on the platform and turns almost instantly to offer Kaz his arm and help him get out. It's a move Snake practiced numerous time, and Kazuhira finds himself automatically leaning into his touch. Since when he expects Venom to be there? Since when he pays so much attention to this simple gesture?

He feels Quiet’s eyes following them. Perhaps she notices Venom’s hand holding him for a second too long. _Let me have this at least_ , he considers telling her but never does. _It should be me in the field protecting his back, not you._ His own limitations make him bitter in a way she’ll never understand.

Kaz shakes his head, there's no time thinking about it now, and follows Venom to join others. Ocelot and Snake exchange a look, the spy seem as smug as ever. The Commander straightens his back, his mind focusing on the task at hand. It’s time for the rest of the Diamond Dogs to see Snake’s victory.

It is a victory even if it doesn’t quite feel like it.

Diamond Dog soldiers look up at him in expectation. They want to hear a speech, words that inspire and motivate them to further work. This is what they need, and Kaz delivers, his voice loud and clear. He does what's expected of him; he speaks, ignoring a dull pain of his missing limbs.

Once he's done he turns away to see Venom looking at him intently. There's something in his gaze Kaz can't decipher, or doesn't have enough energy to do so, suddenly feeling exhausted. Kaz walks away, his back straight, his step never faltering, showing no signs of weakness. His soldiers are looking up to him, it's enough they have to see him walking with a crutch, the right sleeve of his coat empty. He has to make sure they see his straight back, hear his calm and strong voice, because seeing pity in their eyes makes him sick.

“You seem... distracted.”

Miller stops for a second, glancing at Snake standing by his side. “We've had a long day.”

He continues walking, taking careful steps as he descends down the stairs. Venom would surely offer help if he saw the slightest hesitation in the Commander’s steps. Kaz doesn’t want that; he grips his crutch so hard his knuckles go white, feeling anger he can’t quite explain.

He considers his options, if he should go to his office or his quarter. The growing migraine makes the choice easy. Just this once it's best if he doesn't bury himself in paperwork, so he walks towards his private room, quietly hoping it's a sign clear enough for Venom to leave him alone. Part of him wants Snake to stay by his side. Part of him always naively wants just that, to be in a close proximity to this man.

It’s the part of him that makes him glad that in the end Venom follow him to his room.

Kaz hangs his coat and beret by the door, loosens his tie and just like that he’s finally able to breath. The room’s nothing special; there’s his bed, more comfortable than the small cot brought to his office after he fell asleep in his chair one too many times. There’s also a table with two chairs that squeak every time he touches them, a locker, and a small bedside table with a lamp. The bathroom door is closed.

Venom sits down on the bed. He looks like he belongs here, the thought makes Kaz’s cheek twitch reminding him of the dull ache he feels every time Snake’s away for too long.

Unaware of the storm of thoughts in the Commander’s head, Venom speaks. “Skull Face is dead. We did it, Kaz. And we moved Sahelanthropus to the mother base. Don't you think this all calls for a little bit of celebration?”

“Our soldiers are surely celebrating. They worked hard and witnessed a success. They need a break, and let’s say I’m not going to be the one who ruins the mood by telling them our problems are far from over” he shrugs. If V is here now then why Kazuhira can’t bring himself to just give in to his longing..? “They’re probably already opening the crates of beer we had shipped in last week. You can join them, I’m sure they’ll welcome your presence. They piss their pants every time they have to speak to me or Ocelot, but you? You know your soldiers love you, Boss.”

“Are you kicking me out?” Snake cocks his eyebrow. “And there I was thinking we should celebrate together now that our lives have changed…”

He knows it’s an innocent joke, that Venom is honest, that he simply wants to spend time together and celebrate the fact they’re both alive.

Kaz knows all that yet he can’t hide the anger in his voice.

“Do you think some grand change happened in our lives once that bastard's dead? I did think it really works that way,” he scoffs. “Do you hear how stupid this sounds, V? Do you see how stupid I am for thinking that?”

“Kaz...” Venom looks at the Commander, his gaze soft.

Something twists inside Miller’s gut. How can a man with so many scars, with a fucking horn–looking shrapnel pierced into his skull, a man who commands a military organization, how can he look so _kind_?

Where is that kindness coming from while all Kaz can feel sometimes is pure, boiling fury? And regret, so much it’s suffocating.

Miller exhales. Snake stands up and walks to him, placing a hand is on his face, no trace of anger in his honest eye. Kaz gives in, letting V take off his aviators, closing his eyes when their lips meet.

People usually assume Ocelot's the one who knows about things. Well, they're not wrong, he certainly is the best informed person on the mother base. But Kaz also knows a lot, and most importantly – he knows how to listen to hear what he needs to hear.

So he hears soldiers talking about pointless stuff or their missions. Some talk about the music Venom likes to listen to on his iDroid's speaker; sometimes they hum the melody long after Snake's gone on a mission.

He hears about their worries. They worry about their Boss, their own lives, others. Some are terrified of Quiet, understandably so (it wasn't hard to find the person who sprayed GO TO HELL FREAK on a sign on the medical platform, but in some cases Miller thinks it's better not to intervene). Others are afraid of Ocelot, seeing him as some god–like creature ready to strike them for the smallest mistake. Hell, there are soldiers who are scared of Miller.

And then there are rumours saying certain things about the Commander, describing him as a lunatic who will ruin Diamond Dogs in the name of revenge.

_And what do you think, Snake?_ Kaz wonders, pushing away few strands of hair from Venom's face. _Do you agree with those who claim I'm the worst that could happen to the Diamond Dogs?_

They stay like this in silence for a moment that stretches into an eternity. Venom’s lips twitch as he fights with a smile.

_Of course you don't._ Miller lets out a sigh. No matter how foolish it seems, the fear is still there, somewhere deep down, rooted in his very core.

“Do you want me to stay?” Venom's lips move to his throat, kissing down his neck.

_Please_. His own neediness almost makes him howl.

“Yes,” he whispers. His moment of weakness is gone. He places his hand on Snake’s chest, pushing him away.

“Strip,” Kaz orders. Perhaps this is what he needs right now.

He ignores the pounding in his head and undresses quickly (as quickly as he can with one arm), trying not to think. As soon as he sits down on the bed, he removes the pathetic replica of his foot, and throws it away. It lands on the other side of the room with a thud. Venom silently observes this demonstration; in the end he obeys, like always, and takes off his uniform.

Miller lies on his back, silently admiring his lover’s body. He lazily strokes his cock, eyes scanning countless scars on Venom’s skin. Their bodies pressed together, Venom claims his mouth again, and again, his hunger insatiable. His impatience is endearing in a way. Kaz is glad Snake’s here to fuck not talk. Sometimes simplicity is not only the easiest option but also the best one.

A whimper escapes from his lips at the loss of contact. Venom reaches for the bedside drawer, pulling out a small bottle. While Snake coats his fingers with lube, Kaz is unable to stop himself from touching every part of his lover’s body he can reach. His want makes him embarrassed, his face feels hot, and he can only wonder how silly he has to look blushing like a teenage boy.

The thought quickly disappears when slick fingers press inside him. Miller gasps, hand clutching at Snake’s shoulder.

“It’s alright, I’m here. You can let go, Kaz.”

The initial discomfort dissolves into pleasure with every twist of Venom’s fingers. Then the hand is gone, leaving him trembling and cursing his own need.

“How do you want me?” Snake's hot breath makes his skin burn. Kaz idly traces scars on his lover's back, thinking what to say. He shifts, Venom’s weight pressing him to the mattress causes him only mild discomfort. He jerks his hips perhaps too vigorously because Snake growls, his erection poking at Kaz’s thigh.

Kazuhira wonders, listening to Venom’s breath. His gaze drifts away to notice the table, and for a moment he entertains the idea of telling V to bent him over the table. It would be fast and rough, just like he used to like it years ago when his body wasn’t in pieces.

Snake’s horny, while he… He’s too many things at once. Conflicted. Angry. Weak. Perhaps he's not in a mood for anything specific... but then Snake’s metal arm is on his neck, gently caressing his skin, and he feels a pull somewhere deep down in his gut.

He oversees the development of a new prosthetic every time Snake wishes to change something about his mechanical limb. The changes are mostly cosmetic, like making it blue instead of red. When the R&D team comes up with a new feature that can be added to help the Boss in combat the Commander makes sure they spend as much as it's needed to provide Venom with the best equipment possible.

That's why he presses Venom's hand to his skin, moving his head to expose the column of his neck. This thing can snap his bones like a twig. A shiver runs down his spine, his cock twitches.

Venom doesn’t understand, not at first, glancing at Kaz with a question in his eye. But he obeys the unspoken command, accepts it like a good soldier he is. His metal fingers wrap around Miller’s neck as if they were made for this exact purpose.

“Give it to me,” Kaz says, his voice a husky command. He shouldn't order Snake around like that, not now. He should be more... gentle. Caring. _Kind_. Like Venom. Kaz isn't so sure if he can be any of those things.

He squeezes the metal arm on his neck. Venom's thumb traces his skin, a moment of hesitation, before Kaz feels a tightening grip, metal fingers digging into his flesh.

_Yes, just like that_ , he thinks, lips opening in a silent moan as seconds later Snake enters him in one thrust. Then his mind goes blank, his body trembling with every jerk of Venom's hips. The iron grip on his neck nearly makes him go mad.

It's good not to think.

His eyes water, vision blurred. All moans die in his throat, the metal hand squeezing tighter. He can barely register that Venom is talking between pants and groans. It's impossible to make out words although the expression on his face is enough to tell Kaz everything he needs to know but is too afraid to hear.

Suddenly the iron grip on his neck is gone, and Kaz takes a deep, shuddering breath, tears rolling down his face. His lungs are on fire, his whole body is, hips bucking desperately when he tries to push himself over the edge. It's so close, so close he can almost taste that blissful feeling.

He lets out a strained whimper, a plea, and Venom leans down to kiss him and swallow every noise he makes. Just the touch of Snake's metal hand on his cock is enough for Kaz to finally let go, his whole body trembling as comes with a moan. Few more thrusts and Venom pulls out to announce his climax with a throaty groan, spending himself on his lover’s stomach.

In the silence that follows Kaz doesn't move (he can't; his body feels like a stone). He stares at the ceiling, not really seeing anything, while Venom disappears in the bathroom. Feeling a wet piece of cloth on his skin he bits down his lower lip, silencing a sob that could escape from his throat if he didn’t control himself. He balls his hand into a fist; the sensation of being utterly powerless returns, nearly paralysing him. _What did I do to deserve..._

His gaze drifts to Snake who is standing by the bed, watching him. Their eyes met, Venom doesn't look away, his blue eye fixed on his lover. Kaz realises he must look like a complete mess; hair sticking to his face, legs unceremoniously open because his limbs are too heavy to move. His skin's flushed, cock lifeless, his chest rising and falling as his breathing slowly calms down. His missing limbs are aching in a way he will never be able to explain.

Every imperfection of his body is on display, and Venom sees it all, and more. Kaz closes his eyes, refusing to see the look of disappointment on Snake's face. What else is Venom supposed to feel when looking at such pitiful creature like him?

There’s no trace of pity in Snake’s eye, no matter how hard Kaz looks for it.

“Stay. Please.”

He hates the way his voice cracks. He feels raw, exposed, broken into pieces.

“Of course.” Venom leans down to place a kiss on his forehead. His body is delightfully warm.

Kazuhira takes a deep breath. It’s all gone, just like that. When he closes his eyes he’s whole again.


End file.
